Collision

So, I'm approaching a place I'm kind of uncomfortable with. You know the place...where everything you thought you believed so wholeheartedly is put into action. That place where you aren't being asked "what do you think?" but instead are being asked "what are you going to DO?" Beth Moore defined it best: where your theology meets your reality.
I'm sorry, but I kind of thought when I became a Christian that God would just change me and my desires would always be to follow him and do the right thing, say the right thing and act out the right thing. I wasn't silly enough to think I wouldn't struggle...or maybe I was that stupid. I guess I overlooked that whole "dying to self" passage in the Bible. Or perhaps my mind wasn't ready to absorb what all that really meant.
So, God has been a real part of my life over the last eight years. And for the most part, when I think about it, I never really had to put into practice what I believed. It just sort of came...well...natural. Before that sounds totally un-Christian, let me explain. I spent a whole lot of time reading God's word, books, absorbing everything "Christian" I could to help me follow Him. But, not until the last few years has all of that really been tested. And tested in a way that doesn't ask "what do you think about God?" but rather "what are you going to DO as a result of what you think about God?" Because that's what really matters, isn't it? Our faith in action. The motives and desires of our hearts acting themselves out.
So, that's where I am. I'm caught in a collision with my theology (all my thoughts, perceptions, feelings, emotions, etc. I have about God) and my reality (my decisions, my actions).